At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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