it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
