I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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