I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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