I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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