She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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