The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I won't apologize to a one balled man
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
