I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
