I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Less talking, more tequila
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
