Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
