What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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