There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
