I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My cat gives me a boner
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
