That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
