i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Text me some of your sweat
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