someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
