sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
third nipple confirmed
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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