Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
