i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
