I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
