my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
