omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
