this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Enjoy the penises
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
