you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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