now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
