i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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