I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
