Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
