i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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