My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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