I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up under a house in Key West
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
