he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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