i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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