I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
