I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
