That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
