The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
