you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
