We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
