hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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