is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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