I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
