May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
