i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
