You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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