Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
