I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
