Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
