wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
