Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
