please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
