gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize