I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
