you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
