filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
