I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
