At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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