You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
