I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
