dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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