Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
