Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
