Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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