you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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