yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
