Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we made out on top of his cat.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
whose parrot is this?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
