I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My dick has a subreddit
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
