My room smells like vodka and shame
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He kissed a someone with a penis
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
