He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
