i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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